Easy ways to create a daily self-care practice when you have a family?
How do I create a daily self care practice when I have a family?
Is probably the question I get asked most!
As a mum of 6 children ranging from 11 years- 10 months, I’ve had to work, and rework, and redefine what my self care looks like nearly on a week to week basis; because life is always changing for us in our household.
I now have a daily practice, but it’s taken me a very long time to get here, so if you are just starting out, or someone that does it for a little while and then falls off the band wagon- don’t worry you are not alone!
This was me for a very long time!
Before we get into it, I wanted to just share some thoughts around self-care because it really has come under the microscope for so many of us in recent times.
In treatment I’ve been banging on about the importance of self- care for years, but really only in the last 12 months have I really seen a need, and understood the important of self care as a daily practice.
Why?
Because the amount of stress, pressure and the level of awareness and want for change we are all calling forward into our experience is requiring us to level up in our self responsibility and self discipline to make radical leaps forward in our consciousness and awareness so we can evolve as a collective.
We all have a part to play in this, but as always it begins with the self.
The changes we make within ripples out and are felt by those around us; which is an important note to remember when we are the lead in the house hold. Our children watch everything we do, and learn how to regulate their own bodies, emotions and energy from our lead.
This ^^^^ was the game changer for me.
You see I already knew my default pattern was always push push push, get everything done, put everyone before me…. But when I realized I was passing this unhelpful, out of balance pattern on, I knew I had to change it!
At this point, it was really useful to just sit down and list of my beliefs around self care and self love. What did I want my children to learn about it?
Followed by, am I an embodied truth of these beliefs and qualities? ( or in my case, doing the opposite and hoping they still learn it)
Makes you think doesn’t it?!
Self care for mums has a boat load of guilt at the best of times, but I want you to remember that when you yourself learnt these behaviours, you too were just a child, without the level of awareness and skills to know or do something different or better.
So before you start giving yourself a hard time, please just give yourself a moment to offer some compassion and forgiveness to you!
With all that said, lets get down to the practical bits shall we…..
Tip 1: What are your non- negotiables?
This might be one or a few. This is a need that always come top of the list and is priority number one! For me it is sleep- I just don’t function properly If I am not getting enough sleep. I also try to honour my natural sleep pattern. I am no night owl, but an early bird so it is far more helpful to me if I go to sleep with the kids and catch up that way rather than try and get a lie in.
Oliver has to meditate in the morning. Everyone knows this is his time, and supports the space for him to do so.
Tip 2: Be flexible with your time.
I always think of myself as a bit of a ninja with time. I would love to have an hour carved out in my day so I could up top myself up in one go but it rarely works out like that. For me it’s about grabbing the moment when I see the opportunity. So when the kids are happily playing for 15 minutes ill step out into the kitchen and do some journaling.
Tip 2.a: Be flexible with your choices.
Your needs, wants and desires will constantly change, which also means how you meet them and express them will also change. This is the intuitive part of listening to ourselves that needs nurturing. Some days might feel more energetic and need some movement and exercise, and other days we need more stillness and quiet. Also what once helped you to feel grounded and calm might not even touch the surface recently; this is ok. Just follow your curiosity and be open to trying new ways, but most importantly honour how and listen to how you feel in the moment.
Tip 3: Doing something small is better than nothing
Some days, it’s just not going to happen and that’s ok. I remember having a treatment booked and it got cancelled last minute. I was devastated because I had literally held it together and was so invested in this one hour to me time to put me back together again, that when it didn’t happen, I crumbled. When we top ourselves up daily, on the days it doesn’t happen never feels quite so bad because we are already well resourced.
I would also like to add just the simple act of an intention or focus is a powerful act within itself. The small acts of love and kindness towards our selves' often amount to bigger changes.
Tip 4: Mindset: Self care isn’t an escape from your life, but rather a practice that enriches it.
Keeping a little perspective and context here, what are you actually looking to achieve with your self-care? I’ve lost count of the amount of people who turn up to a treatment looking to escape their troubles and pain; hence the treatment just acting like a big old metaphysical plaster that just props them up in a life where ultimately they feel trapped and lack choices. All in the name of self care! This is not self care in my opinion. Self care is a gift to yourself, to become more, and to expand within. It enriches and nourishes your being which in turn over flows and ripples out and touches the hearts of those around you. Self care is serving yourself before the needs of others, and when we truly know this, is when we are the greatest service to the world.
Tip 5: Be creative and think outside the box.
Pre kids I could indulge in hour long baths and meditation practice but now, chance would be a fine thing.
Logistically sometimes you have to work with what you’ve got!
Ill give you some examples:
Oliver loves to exercise and move his body- his creative way of incorporating this into his day is getting really involved with the kids at the park. He matches their energy and in turn moves his body a whole lot more than if he was just stood at the side watching. The kids absolutely Love this and embrace the opportunity to lead through play and movement- after all they are absolute masters of this.
I on the other hand, grab 15 minutes whilst they are playing to take a walk somewhere and be with my own thoughts. (Please note- Oliver will be with them, I have not just abandoned them in the park) Usually I incorporate some mindfulness and really drink in the nature around me.
Tip 6: Boundaries
Sharing and letting others know why and what you are doing allows them to support you. Remember I said our children follow our lead. Asking them for 10 minutes so you can finish the chapter you are reading is more than ok.
Within mine and Oliver’s partnership it has also been really important to have open communication about our needs and support each other in that. It is team work at its best and knowing when the other person is on top form, you get the best of them to share in your experience.
Tip 7: Have a plan and be aware of what helps you feel good and well nourished.
Decision fatigue is a thing! If you told me as an adult the hardest decision I would have to make every day would be deciding what to eat for tea I wouldn’t have believed you.
The truth is as parents we have so many decisions to make in our day….let your self-care be an easy one to make.
I love lists and make no secret of this. In the front of my diary I have a list of all the wonderful things I can do that help me feel good. I even taken it one step further and give it an amount of time. This means when I am in need of inspiration and I’ve got 30 minutes to spare, I can look at my list and quickly decide- yup I’m going to have a breath and stretch!
Don’t leave your tool box in your head, write it down and leave it somewhere you can see and access easily, not only will it serve as a daily reminder, but also takes all the difficulty out of deciding what to do.
And finally, just remember its not for forever- on the bad days, or even a bad week, it will pass. Just be gentle with yourself, and do what you can, when you can, because beautiful- you deserve it!
(AND just in case you wondered this is us parked up down the beach to have a nap whilst the smallest 2 sleep- how romantic eh?!)
Sending love
Bex
Ps if your in need of some self care inspiration- check out our free resource section! I made a self care journal workbook to help you on your way
